The Bear Necessities

You know you’ve spent too much time playing video games when:

Your left hand naturally migrates to shift-a-w-d-space and you press d to move your Word cursor to the right.

Born: Toshikazu Kodoike, June 25, 1916, Miye-ken, Japan
Died: Thomas Kodiak, Dec. 12, 2005, Naperville, IL

My Grandfather lived a good life. While I know few of the details to his life before I was born, I feel compelled to share and preserve my understanding of some of what transpired.

His mother was a Samurai. His father, a Christian. These things did not mix in Japan at the dawn of the 20th century. Upon marriage my great-grandmother was disowned from her family, ultimately leading to the family’s immigration to America. He had a sister. He was 5 years old.

Upon immigration their names were Americanized, creating the family name I carry today. They settled in Monterey, CA. His father became a Pastor at a church, the church still stands and supposedly contains a stained glass window with text dedicated to my great-grandfather. He often talked of how his father was an incredible martial artist. I recall stories of how his father taught Kendo (the art of fighting with a katana) and would literally leap over students as he fought. Some exaggeration, perhaps. Nonetheless, he became a talented martial artist as well. I know little more about his life before WWII.

He was about my age at the outbreak of the war. I am unable to comprehend what it must have been like to be Japanese in California at such a time. His family was placed in Internment Camps. He escaped to Mexico. In Mexico he wrestled professionally for several years, building a love for mexican food and Westerns that he carried to the end of his days. Reflecting, my earliert memories of eating mexican food are with my grandfather. I suppose that is why I like it so much. He often told the story of how he fought the reigning Mexican wrestling champion and defeated him. The first match was followed by a second. As my grandfather tells it, he threw the second match knowing that he would be going back to the US soon while the champion would always live in Mexico.

After some time, he re-entered the US and settled in the Chicago area. He told everyone he was Korean. No one knew any better. Deciding to become a chiropractic doctor, he went to the school where he met my grandmother. My father was born and the family adopted twin japanese girls. They grew up in Waukegan, IL.

I recall my visits to the Waukegan house. The best part was the “Adjustment” that we always received. The merits of having two chiropractic doctors for grandparents. It felt more or less like a massage magnified by an order of magnitude, except my grandfather always had lots of acupuncture charts and other remedies lying around.

In recent years, he moved to an assisted living facility in Naperville where he could be closer to my family. As he grew older, it was clear that his mental acuity had begun to fade. This is, in my mind, the most frightening aspect of old age. It terrifies me that there may come a day when my short term memory no longer functions. Nonetheless, he was always adamant about excercise. He refused to admit that anything was bothering him; when asked, things were always “fine, fine”.

He weathered the most frightening storms this century had to offer. My life has been undeniably shaped by his actions. Many ways, I have not realized until the past hour. And so, i share this with you. That I might better preserve who I am. And in the telling, forge another link in our bond of friendship.

ok. so i have a riot of things i need to talk about. but i feel guilty blogging at work, so if you read this then make sure you IM/email/call me and remind me to blog tonight.

ive decided that writing is in some ways therapeutic. as many of you know, i can be a very introverted person. i tend to keep my thoughts and my burdens to myself. and while i would love to talk about them, i often will not bring them up unless someone asks me what is on my mind (and sometimes i long to bring it up…but i equally hate to burden other people). but sometimes there are things that need to be shared and perhaps this is the perfect venue for it.

so make sure i do it.

well, lots of stuff to talk about, but, since im at work, i think it best to save the other stuff for when i have more time to deliberate.

So what am i doing here, you ask? well, in short, coffee. i mean, it truly is a magical thing. but why then does it have to taste so GOD-AWFUL???

wow, the word awful (all in caps) looks really goofy. the first pot of coffee i ever made i threw out after 2 sips because i was sure i must have screwed it up somehow. you would think that since so many people drink it there would be a way to actually make it taste good. reminds me of 1984 actually. as you grow up, adults learn to like things that are actually not very good. similar to learning to live in squalor and believing that life is great (1984 is actually a very intelligent book and should be read). anyways. coffee. yeah. tastes terrible, but sometimes you just gotta take one (or two, or three) for the team.

And now, for some low-risk thoughts (or reflections, or a description of events, or something) of the day.

i was browsing my standard radio stations with my mp3 player (a nifty lil conveniance not to be found on the iPod) and discovered the American Quartet (dvorak) being played on 102.1! Now this was very exciting. except that my reception inside the bldg totally blows. after various experimentation moving my mp3 player around i decided that the best reception was to be found with the mp3 player held in my hand (basically turning me into a big antenna right?). naturally, this arrangement does wonders for my productivity, until at least i discovered that i could tuck it into my right shirt sleeve thus freeing up my hand for mousing (and some rather uncomfortable typing).
In any case, the quartet rocked. i think i should put this CD on my list of things i intend to buy.

thought #2 : Locking yourself out of your apartment blows. I was halfway down the stairs out of my complex today (rushing, cause i was already running late) when i was suddenly like “oh shit!” as i patted myself down to discover i had neither keys nor phone (nor wallet, but that was less important). i proceeded to pound on my door for several minutes before succeeding in walking up good ol jonny B. i guess its not such a bad thing that i always leave before he does…

Im at work, and its cold. Very cold. The thermometer says 66 degrees (okok, so this is not very cold compared to those without heat…but nonetheless…its cold!). Makes it very hard to work. esp. since the classified areas and conference rooms are even colder.

brrrrr. at least i have an excuse to drink lotsa tea.

I realized today that now that Stanford has taken away my webspace, my old website has dissappeared (for better or worse… some people claimed it was “hideous”, i called it a welcome change from the norm).
In any case, the loss of that website was also a loss of some of my more inane moments (and truly, this is a loss). In the guise of preservation, i have entered my “deep thoughts” from the last several years into the following blog entries.
I warn you, these entries are not for the faint-hearted.

16) I seem to have a habit of only updating my webpage when people pester me. Hmmmmmm.

15) Once again I was sitting around and a couple of my drawmates (the less friendly ones) decided to harass me over the fact that I do not update my webpage enough. So, we decided to visit the page (just like you are doing right… NOW!). Suddenly, I found myself entranced by my own deep thoughts. “Weird!!” you say to yourself. I agree. Craziness. Apparantly my deep thoughts aren’t really deep at all. In fact they are so un-deep that i don’t even remember them. But wait! Don’t leave now! I know what you are thinking. You are thinking: “if these thoughts arent deep then why am i wasting my time?” And i would say that is a good question. A Good question. However, you’re just gonna have to trust that my own spontaneous self is more insightful then my more refined self. Hmmm. Uhoh. I was distracted again by those same drawmates. I lost my train of thought. Quick! Spontaneity! Train of thought! Where did that phrase come from? I mean really, a train? Doesnt sound too reliable to me. Have you ever wondered about how you can only really focus on one thing at once? It would be pretty darn cool to be able to think about more than one thing at once wouldn’t it? But then you would have two trains of thought. Two trains are always bad. Cause then things collide and you end up dazed and confused and calling yourself hilda.

14) How insightful does a thought have to be for it warrant me putting it here? Cause, i guess when all is said and done, i never really feel like i have much to say. I mean, i think: “gee, mike, the fans are getting restless… you should update your webpage”. Then i retort: “but i dont know what to say!” “Say anything!” I counter (an interesting movie btw, not the greatest, but interesting… which brings me to another point - my opinion on movies. I feel like i enjoy spending time with people and being entertained. So, naturally, after seeing a movie, i almost inevitably say that the movie was good, or at least ok. I mean, I enjoyed the entertainment, so it was good right? It always takes a while, and some reflection, before i can really give a better/truer evaluation of what i thought of the movie. This sorta bothers me cause someone always asks what you thought of the movie when you are walking out, and if the movie was only so-so then im always wondering if the person is going to disagree with me if i say i liked it. Now, this shouldnt be a problem (you know, disagreeing), except for when i actually do agree with them. And then there is the problem when you say you disliked the movie, and the other person says they liked it, and then one of you gets all defensive and then you have a fight and start throwing things and one thing leads to another and the next thing you know youre wearing a kilt and calling yourself Hilda. Hmmmm, now where was I? oh yeah. hilda) Defensively “but what will people think if im boring?!? If i dont say something insightful then they will hate me!” Aggressively “If you dont say anything then i will hate you!” Offended, “Well! If you are going to be that way then i wont say a thing!” “Oh yeah??!?” “Yeah!!!!” “Well take that!!!” “Ow! stop throwing things at me!” “Are you going to write?!?” “I cant! i think you broke my wrist…” “Lazy! Take that! And put this on!” “But Im not from Scotland!” “Are you talking back to me?” “Who’s talking back to you?” “You are” “Who?” “you. mike.” “mike? you must be mistaken, im hilda”